Definitely feels like there needs to be a disclaimer at the beginning of this post. Shortly after my divorce when I felt sort of ready to start dating (I really wasn’t, in hindsight) I thought I may try Tinder. It seemed the easiest way to see what was actually out there from the comfort of home ( code for, I really didn’t want to put on a bra, and go out). I lasted a week, maybe two max, and have never looked back. When did men get so gross? All I said was hello, and the response was straight to dick pic. Jeez. When my now ex fuckboy, fifteen years ago said will you go out with me, it meant be my girlfriend, done. I wish I had run off screaming for my life, like the killer Jason in the hockey mask was chasing me. Which is ironic, as Jason is still my surname from the marriage.
I have been plucked, and dropped into a new era of dating where people class Skype sex as a first date and it was completely ok to ask a stranger to… actually never mind that, he was promptly blocked. I did manage to go on a couple of dates, and I did have a few nice conversations, but there is nothing like an onslaught of filthy talk, and unsavoury requests to put a shy girl off. Weirdly though, there were certain aspects of the popular dating app that really made me think about how similar it was to blogging. Will be interesting to see if you agree.
(Tinder) You actually get a match that is super cute. You exchange messages, and it is all good, because you really seem to have a vibe. You even exchange numbers and talk like actual humans, and then….. nothing. The response times between texts get comically longer even though they technically text you first. Before you know it, it’s like they are an actual ghost. No, not feeling this anymore straight talk, just radio silence.
(Blogging) Things are going well between you and the brand, you feel like you have a rapport and you have worked on a few projects. Then for no reason whatsoever, the PR don’t reply to your emails. Even though you gave really good coverage, that they seemed to love at the time. Oh, maybe they didn’t see my emails? Bitch no, you have been officially ghosted, they got what they want and they don’t need you no mo.’
(Tinder) You are basically on standby. In terms of the app you technically don’t know. The other person is keeping you dangling as a safety net, and when someone better comes along, you are basically dumped. They may pick up with you again down the road because again, you are their safety net.
(Blogging) Being benched rears its ugly head when you get a super last-minute invite. It will be the night before or the day of, and it will read like Hi, blah blah I wanted to invite you to this exclusive event.. its tonight/tomorrow, would absolutely love if you could make it! Bitch you are obviously a stand in/seat filler otherwise that PR would have invited you ages ago. This is also the case when the brand you know and love and have worked with for years, start working with other hotter bloggers. It is obviously their prerogative, but the kick in the teeth is when said Blogger have the same numbers, or even less numbers than you, but are undeniably prettier than you. Don’t worry they will come back because the other girl was overpriced and a brat, then they are like, damn should have stuck with Adorngirl.
The unattractive ones loooove you
(Tinder) I don’t think I am overly superficial, because when you have a nice personality, and you are funny, you look more handsome and are more appealing to me. I found that I had so many messages from these guys that were not my type in any way shape or form. Let’s just say, some of them easily looked like they secretly just wanted to wear me as a skin suit.
(Blogging) You get endless emails from the embarrassing products that no one wants to talk about. Let’s just say I have back acne (I really don’t) A hairy face ( I do) I ain’t blogging about it for the world to know and mock me. Every day its not Chanel or Canon calling. I am getting Hi Jason, would love if you could blog this foot fungal cream and we will send you a free sample. Hey! no one don’t need to suffer through my ugly feet except me and my complaining kids. Mum please get a pedicure, pleeeassse
(Tinder) You have swiped left so much your finger actually starts to cramp. No one is catching your eye, and wait… didn’t I already say no thanks to this one?
(Blogging) You have to delete so many nonsense emails your finger starts to cramp. What do they want me to do with this press release exactly?
(Tinder) You open the app and there is a really sweet message from a guy you have been vibing with and he is not like everyone else. Awwww and there’s an attachment. Awwww he must be sending me a selfie… no, it’s a dick pic.
(Blogging) Hi Ashanti, could I have your address I just want to send you this gift. Aww that is so nice, they have appreciated my work and all the blog and social posts I have given them, and they want to send me a treat, as a thank you. It arrives, it is just as lovely as I thought. A week later, Hi Ashanti just wondering when you were going to feature what we sent you last week, can’t wait to see it on your blog, social channels and insta stories.… For fucks sake.
It is not quite, what it is cracked up to be
You approach both Tinder and blogging with high expectations and they both throw curveballs (in Tinder’s case actual balls). For me Tinder was supposed to be an escape and it was just a reminder that I needed time to be on my own. I have been part of a relationship for half of my life and I needed to get back to being myself, as my confidence in that first year was at all time low. Blogging has a way of being both the most amaze-bat crazy-incredible thing in the world and the absolute worst. You go into it planning one thing and who knows where this awesome ride will take you.